What matters to you?

Our grandchildren, Olivia who is 6 and Casey, who is 4 were visiting recently.  Several adults had the discussion on whether it is appropriate to correct children who may not be your own.  I am outspoken and have often done this impulsively.  In hindsight, I should wait until a parent or grandparent can intervene if they are present.  If they don't say anything, I will speak up, especially if the child is at my house or in my yard.  I guess that when I (or anyone) does this, they assume that they have the same values and standards as the parent(s). I am amazed that some parents do not think that their child should be respectful to adults.  They do not correct their child when that child calls others "stupid" or they do not correct the child when they mock the beverages that are in the fridge or the toys in the toy box.  Do children behave this way because they see it modeled by someone important in their life.  Does someone in their life feel superior because of  education and yearly income?  So I come to the question: What matters in life to you?  My brother Bruce told the story of he and our cousin standing on the overpass in Epping, spitting on the bums who were riding the rails.  When he told our Dad about the incident, Dad simply said "those bums are people too and deserve your respect".  What a wonderful value Dad taught us!!!  Thanks Dad (and Mom) for your values and standards you passed on to us.  May we also convey them in kind ways to the next generations.
 


Here are some traits, values or standards that I think matter:

• Honesty
• Respect for elders and peers and those younger than you
• Hard work (no matter what it is)--show up when you are expected
• Caring for and about the universe--not littering, recycling, caring for other creatures
• Making a difference either by the way we treat others or how we do our jobs
• Volunteering--not just doing our jobs but helping out in tasks where you don't get paid
• Standing up for what is right, respectfully speaking up when needed.
• Listening and trying to understand others
• Being kind
• Using humor in the right way, not in ways that are hurtful
• Not feeling superior--being humble 

Here are some things that I think do NOT matter:

• Education can help you realize your dreams and maybe get you a better job but it does not make you more valuable
• Status in the community does NOT make you more valuable. A homeless person has as much value as a CEO of a company.
• The house you live in--we have lived in a beautiful, big, impressive house because we wanted to be able to have foster kids not because the house looked impressive. 
• Age, weight, looks, sexual orientation, race --it's been hard to overcome prejudices when we have lived in such a WASP-y area but these things really do NOT make one person more valuable than another. 

Neither one of the above lists is all inclusive as there certainly may be other things that are important and there may be many more things that do NOT matter. 

I need to walk....

In long term care we must have "care plans" for all of our residents.  These are the goals that are set by staff, the resident and family or significant others.  They are usually related to health or care concerns but sometimes they list preferences for the resident.  A recent trend is to have "I" care plans that state the goals/wishes in the first person such as "I want to keep my blood sugar within normal range." or "I want to lose weight."  In cases where someone is restless, the "I" care plan may say "I want/need to walk".  This is a reminder to staff that they should ensure that a resident has a place to walk that is free of obstructions and that if they need assistance in walking, that someone is there to help.  If the resident cannot tell us what is important to them, we often talk to family and friends to find out what the resident enjoyed doing in the past. 


The point of the first paragraph is to introduce my love of walking.  I just read an exercise blog today that said "do what you love" and your exercise routine will be more successful.  I love to walk.  I need to walk.  More importantly I need to do it outside where  I can see, smell and feel the outdoors!!  I have been a sporadic walker for over 35 years.  I started walking for stress control, not for weight management as many people do. It was also my alone, thinking time when my life was much busier than it is now.   In the last 10-15 years, I have gotten in the habit of listening to books while I walk.  This combines my love of reading with my love of walking.  Listening to books or music can impede my hearing of nature sounds but I will occasionally turn off the book to hear geese honking or most recently to hear an elk bugle.   My love of walking has returned with a vengeance after I  recovered from my double knee replacement surgery in April.   I have been wearing a fitness band for 10 months and am currently walking 12000 steps or about 4.5 miles a day.  I love it!!  I am ready to increase my walking to 14000 steps a day except for one problem....North Dakota weather.  Several days this week I have had to wear my down filled coat and a scarf across my face because of the wind.  When there is ice or snow, I may not be able to walk outside because of the unsure footing.  Winter is coming, no doubt about it.  So I am longing to be in a warmer climate or in a less rural place where I could at least walk at a mall or fitness center. 


The other morning I woke up to the wind howling and thought some very negative thoughts:

• I won't be able to walk outside today
• It's going to be so cold
• I hate North Dakota wind and cold weather
• I could walk on the elliptical but I would rather not
• and most ridiculous of all....This has got to be Arden's fault!

I had read that when you walk, you should walk with a smile because it lifts your spirits.  Most days I grin for the whole hour that I walk.  I love that I am stronger.  I love that my knees don't hurt.  I love the sights and smells of rural North Dakota....in all seasons.  So I decided to go for my walk despite my negative thoughts and the wind and I discovered that my negative thoughts were SO wrong.  How often does that happen---that my negative fears and worries are SO wrong.  It wasn't nearly as cold as it sounded and it was a great walk!!


What do you love to do?
Are your negative thoughts leading you into a downward spiral and how often are they proven wrong?